Audience and Cast

To wander into endless dreams of laughter and inebriation, faraway lands and queens with guitars, grotesque mathematics teachers and horrendous exams, walks through twilight alleys and twitching in bed, lack of thought and overabundance of thought, a blood red swirling wave in an eternal blood red ocean with a pale grey sky above, waiting, watching, judging, listening --- and never even once speaking or making a comment, leaving one in perpetual suspense, mind screaming out and body aching all over for some kind of hopeful floating answer that never existed, some kind of clue or sign or at least an assuring voice that would whisper in my ear, “relax, everything is fine, everything is good.” The blood red sea rose in strangled curls, pulling me down, breaking me away from touching the pale grey sky---and I did not offer resistance. I will never offer resistance. I will submit, and trip on the moment, this very infinite moment for ever and ever. The universe is a moving picture, and I am sick and tired of being either a spectator or an actor. All that is happening around me and inside my head: talks of love and happiness, dead relatives, caught red-handed, herb and hiding, guilt and passion, anger and apathy, sickness and sobriety, freedom and fallacy, shock and surprise, friends and foes, party and parting---in the end, they don’t matter. I am stuck and struggling in the land of the Living Dead, and it is time I let go, wake up and learn to be both Audience and Cast.